Friday, November 18, 2011

Self affirming delusions.

It is my suspicion that most people live their lives buoyed by a degree of self affirming delusion. How could it not be so? Take, well, me for example. I think of myself as a constructive part of a family, a friend, a bike rider (and occasionally a racer), an aspiring epicurean and somone who puts a fair amount of effort into my work.

An objective outsider might question if any of these facets were realistic given the way the last few weeks have transpired. Am i maintaining my opinion of myself with delusion? After all, there has been no real affirmitive activity. Most often, a generally well adjusted adult will be able to maintain their 'adequacy' even in the face of low levels of supportive input. However, over time, surely it must take its toll?

Is this the reason for the generalised ennui it is hard to ignore in society? On a personal level, there is no hiding my occasional bouts of grumpiness of late, which I am certain are related to the lack of upkeep of the things i believe are the pillars of my personality. However, there has not been any time for all of that: i am more than happy to be focussed on other great and good things at the moment and although I would not say my belief is impregnable, it is most likely that this is a temporary situation.

Why type all this? The other day i finished the things i wanted to do with enough time to escape for a last minute local ride. I plucked the Maul from the rack as (rather unbelievably) i hadnt ridden the bike in the UK. Despite the appaling conditions, i wanted to savor the outcome of Sean and my efforts at creating a truly unique and rewarding tool. Needless to say, it was tantamount to abuse to put such a machine to work in the slop, goop and muck. But it fed my soul. It will keep me afloat for another couple of weeks until things calm down. Or... maybe they wont calm down. Maybe i will need to adapt.

Reagrdless, dont forget to try and spend just a little time doing the things you love to do. With a little nurturing, i will keep on charging. So will you.


Anonymous said...

A degree of self affirming delusion

I'd say 360ยบ

AdamM said...

"spend just a little time doing the things you love to do"

Words to live by Jon. Like you, I'm not doing nearly enough of this, spending too much time travelling to Sydney for work. The search is on for a job closer to home though, so plans are in motion.